


just keep breathin'

by lucylikestowrite



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: A little bit of fluff, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, but honestly it got angstier than i meant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 10:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16554161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucylikestowrite/pseuds/lucylikestowrite
Summary: a 403 episode tag, feat more angst than you would think possible considering the scene it runs on from





	just keep breathin'

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i know after the ep y'all probably wanted straight fluff or straight smut but i have some Feelings about some stuff that happened soooo this is what you're getting haha

“Because sometimes, we lead you in the _right_ direction,” Sara says, before finding Ava’s hand, gripping down tight, leading her down the hallway, away from the wreckage caused by the plant. She knows the smirk on her face is obvious, but she can’t help it.

A few steps down, though, Ava stops, tugging against Sara’s hand, stood stock still in the middle of the corridor.

Sara turns around, confusion on her face. “Why did we stop?” Ava isn’t looking at her, but instead down at their hands, where they’re still linked. Her mouth twists into a familiar expression of worry. Sara can put the pieces together easy enough. She lets the smirk fall off her face, replacing it with something a little more reassuring, more understanding. She gives Ava’s hand one last squeeze, then drops it, not missing the tiny sigh of relief that escapes Ava’s mouth. “Holding hands in the office is crossing the boundaries as well?”

Ava shrugs, her eyes still cast down. “Maybe,” she says quietly. “I don’t know. I don’t know how to do this. Be a boss. Have a girlfriend. Be a boss and have a girlfriend. I don’t know what’s acceptable, and everything is so… carefully balanced here. One wrong step and I’m out.” She looks up, and her eyes are wide, earnest. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t want to fuck everything up by crossing some sort of line.”

Sara frowns. “You know how to have a girlfriend. You have, you know— your ex in Vegas,” she says, gesturing vaguely in the direction that she thinks is west.

“I don’t know that she was real. I don’t know anything. I just know that I’m good at this job, and I’m not going to risk that.” There’s an unspoken end to that sentence. _Not even for you_. Well, not quite that. Not even for the public affection that Sara is determined to show her. And it’s fair enough. Sara had never thought Ava would be the sort for PDA, but she figured an almost deserted office wouldn’t have counted as public. If it does, though, if Ava counts it as too risky, then she’s okay keeping her hands (and her words) to herself. “I’m sorry,” Ava continues. “I just can’t do things _here_. Not out in the open.”

Sara reaches out a brief hand to touch Ava’s arm, just for a second, aiming for reassuring. It seems to work, Ava’s eyes closing for a split second, her expression relaxing. And then Sara pulls back her hand, stuffing both of them in her back pocket to stop herself from wanting to touch again. Still, she steps forward a little closer, because she needs to be close, needs Ava to know she’s being serious when she speaks. She tilts her head, looks up at Ava. “Don’t apologise. It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything here, not if you’re not comfortable with it. I can hold back when you’re at work. Or, at least, I can try,” she concedes, pressing her lips together, “although I can’t promise I’m always going to behave. You’re a bad influence on me.”

Ava frowns, looking at Sara quizzically. “ _I’m_ a bad influence on _you_?”

“Yeah. I’m usually super in control of myself. Cool. You make me… not cool…”

At that, Ava actually laughs, a weak smile breaking on her face. “I make you not cool?”

Sara nods. “Mhmm. You’re a terrible influence. They’re going to take away my cool card if I keep hanging around with you.” Ava just rolls her eyes, and starts walking. Sara follows her. “Where are we going? Home?”

Another flicker of a smile passes over Ava’s face.

They both know where Sara means when she says ‘home’, even if Sara isn’t _strictly_ living there.

Ava shakes her head. “My office. First. And then home. I’m too tired to go out.”

For the next thirty seconds, as they walk, they don't see anyone, so Sara decides to push it slightly, leaning slightly closer. She lowers her voice until it’s so quiet that you couldn’t even hear it from more than a half a foot away. “So, does that mean you _do_ want to get straight to it?”

Ava’s cheek tinge pink, and she regains her composure a second later. “I’m not answering that question until we’re out of my workplace.”

Sara smirks, but keeps walking, doesn’t push it any further.

When they get to Ava’s office, there’s still no-one around. Sara watches for a second as Ava tidies, as she closes things down, and then moves closer, her hands still in her back pockets, but itching to be touching something else.

Any part of Ava that she’ll let her, honestly, even if it’s just Ava’s hand again.

Sara manages a full minute of standing, waiting, with not a single person turning up in the rest of the office, before she gives in. Ava has her back to her, is gathering up files from her desk, and Sara moves the couple of steps forward that it takes to be behind her, lets her hand rest lightly on the curve of Ava’s waist.

Ava starts a little, spins around, starts again when she realises how close Sara is.

“Baby?”

“Mmm?” Ava worries at her lip. They’re so close that Sara can see the rise and fall of her chest.

“There’s no-one around. It’s okay.”

“You don’t want to— not _here_? I said the party was the last time we could—”

“No,” Sara says, holding up a finger to Ava’s lips. “No. Not after you literally just said we couldn’t even hold hands. I’m not pushing it _that_ much. No. Not that. Just. Can I kiss you? It’s been a long day.”

Ava cranes her neck to see around Sara, clearly giving the office one last check, and then she nods. “Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

Ava nods again. “Yeah,” she breathes, settling back against the desk, leaning against it.

Sara breathes a sigh of relief, pulls her other hand out of her pocket. One of her hands snakes underneath Ava’s jacket, settling on her waist again. She moves the other up to rest gently on Ava’s cheek, feeling Ava relax into it slightly.

When Sara steps forward half a step, finally completely in Ava’s space, and presses their lips together, Ava sighs. She moves her hands until they’re around Sara’s back, pulling her in, pressing her even closer, and then closer still, until she’s standing between Ava’s legs. Internally, Sara winces slightly at the pressure on her back, but ignores it.

Sara’s hungry for this, and her mouth is getting more and more insistent, teasing Ava’s open, when Ava finally pulls back.

When she speaks, her voice is a little raw, a little rough. “Let’s go home, Sara.”

Sara nods, because she needs to feel Ava right now, and Ava’s not going to let them get any further in the office.

Ava leans in to kiss Sara again, fiddling with her courier at the same time, and then she’s pushing herself off the desk, pushing Sara backwards, still kissing her, moving them both towards the familiar sound of the portal.

When Sara opens her eyes, they’re in the bedroom. The portal fizzles shut behind Ava. She's taken a step back, away from Sara, and is shrugging off her jacket, her fingers already going to the buttons on her shirt. Sara smirks, raises an eyebrow in Ava’s direction.

“So. I’m assuming you want to just get straight to it?” she asks, for the third time.

This time, Ava finally gives a straight answer. She rolls her eyes, before striding forward, capturing Sara in another kiss, and it’s clear she was holding back at the Bureau, because this is searing hot, both of her hands on Sara’s face.

And then her hands move to Sara’s shoulders, trying to rid Sara of her jacket, and Sara swears, pulling back slightly.

There’s concern immediately in Ava’s eyes. “Sara? I thought you wanted this?” Her voice is confused, already getting smaller.

Sara shakes her head, grimacing. “No. I do. I do. It’s just. Before you, uh, take my clothes off, you should know that I have a… small injury. Very small. Nothing to worry about.”

“When you say shit like that, I’m immediately worried,” Ava says, crossing her arms. “Where is it? What happened?”

Sara ignores the second question for a second. “It’s on my back. And my arm. And kinda my leg, as well.”

“Sara!” Ava says, the word coming out as a gasp. “You said _small_.”

“Okay. Medium-sized.” Sara slip the jacket off her shoulders, putting the bruise down her right arm on show. Ava blanches, her mouth falling open. It’s already going a funny shade of green, mixed in with spots of yellow and purple.

“Fuck, Sara,” Ava breathes. “And that isn’t all of it?”

Sara sighs, shaking her head. Ava steps forward pulling Sara’s shirt over her head in one fluid motion, spinning her around to look at the rest of the injury. Sara hears an intake of breath from her. “Okay. So it’s kinda big.”

“Sara. There is a ginormous bruise down your entire back.” Ava reaches out a finger, pressing down lightly, and Sara winces. “It’s on your _leg_ as well?”

“Yeah.” Sara spins back around to look at Ava, and almost wishes she hadn’t, because Ava’s expression is so filled with worry for her that it almost hurts, almost hurts more than the actual injury, which, in all honesty, has practically faded to background pain. She’s used to bruises.

“Show me.”

“Ava, it’s fine, I’m _fine_ —”

“Show me, Sara,” Ava says, her teeth gritted, her voice firm, leaving no room to budge. Her face is still stricken, and she looks a little like she’s about to cry.

Sara sighs again, her fingers going to her button, pulling her jeans down until she’s standing there, only half naked, but feeling fully naked under Ava’s gaze, Ava’s gaze that is so filled with worry and concern and so unlike anything Sara is used to. She crosses her arms across her chest, refusing to look down, because she knows her leg is just as bad as her arm, if not more. They’d taken the full brunt of the door, and then her back had bruised when she’d landed. She’s lucky she didn’t break anything, honestly.

“What _happened_ Sara?” Ava asks again. “I’ve never seen you this hurt before. Gideon couldn’t fix it?”

Sara sits down on the edge of the bed, wincing slightly, and Ava joins her, wrapping a protective arm carefully around her waist.

“Gideon _could’ve_ fixed it. But I don’t usually get her to deal with bruises. The Waverider doesn’t have infinite resources, you know? And anyway, it would’ve taken like an hour. I wanted to see you. I missed you. I just wanted to _get straight to it_ ,” Sara says, _again,_ hoping Ava will drop the questions, and just let them skip to the fun part, because Sara _does not_ want to talk about this.

Ava scoffs, and Sara turns to her, confused. “Babe. We are _not_ having sex. Not while literally half of your body is purple.” Sara opens her mouth to protest, and Ava ignores her. “You really thought I’d be okay with that? While you’re obviously hurt?”

“I’m not _that_ hurt,” Sara says, and Ava just stares her down, until Sara sighs, giving in, because when Ava’s like this, there’s no point even trying to push it.

Ava gets up, moves over to the dresser, pulling open the drawer Sara leaves clothes in. She pulls out a t-shirt and some shorts, and chucks them at Sara. “Put on something more comfortable. I’m getting you ice.”

Of course when Ava says ‘put on something more comfortable,’ she means it in the literal sense.

“Baby, I don’t need—”

“I’m getting you ice, Sara.” At the final look Ava gives her, before she disappears downstairs, Sara finally gives in. Gives in to being looked after for once. She stretches her arms, feeling the muscles in her back flexing, and pain shoots through her.

She gets a proper look at the bruises on her arm, looking at them for the first time since she’d ignored them while switching jackets to see Ava, and winces again.

It looks terrible.

She shrugs on the clothes Ava had given her, before crawling back along the bed, slowly, and settling down against the pillows.

Two minutes later, Ava is back, holding at least four ice packs, dish towels under her arm. Her face is apologetic. “I always keep some, for, you know, emergencies but… I don’t think this is enough for all the bruises.”

Sara rolls her eyes. “Four is better than none, baby.”

Ava sighs. “Yeah. I suppose so.” She sits down on the bed next to, wraps them carefully up, and then hands them over. “Look, I’m just going to change, and then I can help hold them in place, okay?”

Sara just nods, and presses one to her arm, and one to her leg. The cold hurts for a second, and then becomes soothing.

In front of her, Ava changes. Sara can’t take her eyes off of her, knows that her expression must be hungry, because when Ava catches her eye, pink rises up on her face again.

“Stop staring,” she says. “I’m just changing. I already told you, nothing’s happening tonight.”

Sara shrugs. “That’s exactly _why_ I need to stare. This is all I’m getting.”

Ava rolls her eyes, pulling down her pants, and pulling on some pyjamas. “Well, I hope you’re enjoying this incredibly sexy strip-tease, because it is _definitely_ all you’re getting.”

Ava’s joking, but Sara finds literally everything about her achingly attractive, so just watching this is almost too much. Added in with the fact that she’s stuck on the bed, icing a wound, unable to touch—it’s unbearably sexy.

She finishes getting changed, and then turns back to Sara—and groans. “Oh god. You actually found that hot, didn’t you?”

Sara shrugs again. “You’re hot, baby. Anything you do that involves you getting naked is hot.”

“You are…” Ava can’t even finish it, trailing off, shaking her head. She collapses back on the bed, and then leans over, pressing close to Sara, and kissing her, so lightly it’s almost not a kiss. “You’re terrible,” she breathes. She leans back, and Sara chases her mouth, leaning up from the pillows. Ava puts a hand on Sara’s chest, lightly pushing her back.

And then she leans in again, and Sara twists her head, wanting, only for Ava to keep leaning over her, picking up the ice packs. “ _You’re_ a tease,” Sara says, a little petulant, but all the annoyance goes out of her voice when Ava moves over her, pulling her away from the pillows enough to press both the ice packs in her hands onto Sara’s back, because the relief is, once again, almost immediate.

Ava sits, cross-legged next to Sara, holding the packs in place. There’s silence for a minute, and then Ava leans down, presses a kiss to Sara’s shoulder, to her neck, to her jaw. Sara relaxes into her mouth, finally accepting that she’s getting nothing more than kisses tonight, and so wanting to make the most of what she’s getting.

“What happened, Sara?” Ava asks, her voice a whisper directly into Sara’s ear. “Tell me what happened.”

Sara sighs, steeling herself, because she knows Ava’s going to panic when she hears what happened.

“The fugitive was a shapeshifter. She shifted into Ray, stole his suit. I got the bruises when she kinda… blasted a door into me and knocked me out.”

Ava’s mouth falls open. “You got knocked out? How long were you out?”

“I don’t know. Five minutes, maybe? Maybe less. I’m fine.”

“Did you hit your head?” Ava asks, concern still in her eyes.

“I don’t know? Probably?” It all had happened so quickly. All Sara remembers is the door slamming into her side, and then nothing.

Ava puts one of the ice packs down, her hand moving to Sara’s head, twisting Sara’s face so Sara can look at her properly. Her thumb strokes over Sara’s forehead, her fingers running through Sara’s hair, over her scalp, obviously checking for damage.

Sara’s still not used to this. Someone looking out for her like this. She looks out for her team. No-one ever cares this much about checking for minor injuries. They all just kinda left Sara alone to her own devices if she was a little injured. But, here Ava is, worry still on her face, her hand still moving over Sara’s head, before finally pulling it away, apparently not having found anything. “Sara. You could have a concussion. You really should’ve gotten Gideon to check you out.”

Sara waves this away. “She scans us when we get on the ship. She would’ve known if I had a concussion.”

Ava bites her lip. “Really? You’re not just saying that?”

Sara’s heart breaks a little. “No, baby. I wouldn’t lie to you about that. You can call Gideon if you want.”

Ava sighs, looking down, picking the ice pack she had dropped back up. “No. It’s fine. I believe you. I just… I just worry about you.”

Sara smiles a weak smile. “I managed three years on that ship without you, baby. I’m tough.”

“No, I— I know, I don’t think you’re not—” Ava’s voice is getting quieter and quieter, and she cuts herself off, sighing again. “I’m sorry. I just hate seeing you hurt. And I hate thinking about you unconscious. It just makes me think of— of—”

She can’t even say it, but Sara knows what she means. The Death Witch. She’s almost glad Ava wasn’t on the mission with her, because she knows seeing Sara knocked out would’ve brought back memories that could’ve gotten her hurt, if she was distracted while Charlie was going crazy with Ray’s blaster.

“I know, baby. It’s okay, I understand.”

That seems to be enough for Ava, and she nods, leaning in for another kiss. When she pulls back, there’s more questions on her face. Sara can see her ‘I need to know more’ expression from a mile away.

“What happened after? After she knocked you out?”

“Zari couldn’t send her back to hell. She’s on the ship. We’re figuring out what to do with her.” Sara says, matter of fact, trying to keep the wobble from her voice, the wobble that is threatening to appear.

Ava frowns. “That’s everything? Why couldn’t Zari send her back?”

Sara clams up, turning away.

“Sara? Babe. What happened?” Her voice is rising in pitch. “Sara?” Every second Sara isn’t looking at her, she can feel Ava’s anxiety getting stronger, until it’s almost palpable. “Sara, you’re scaring me.”

That does it. Scaring Ava is the last thing she wants to do. She turns back around, closing her eyes, and then opens them, staring right into Ava’s.

“She couldn’t send her back because the shapeshifter changed into _us_.”

“The Legends?” Ava asks. “Oh, honey.”

Sara grits her teeth, rips off the bandaid, spilling the moment that’s been haunting her ever since, that had her wanting to get lost in Ava and forget everything. “She said she was going to show us what a real monster looked like and then she—” she shakes her head, hating how much she’s having to force the words out. “And then she shifted right into me.”

“Oh, Sara—”

“It didn’t even _mean_ anything. She doesn’t _know_ me. She doesn’t know what I’ve— What I’ve gone through. She changed into all of us, to prove a point. And then she changed into Amaya, and Zari couldn’t do it. So it didn’t mean anything that she chose me first, except that maybe she knew I was in charge, but…” she trails off, drawing her knees up to her chest, feeling tiny.

“It still hurt?” Ava suggests.

“Yeah. It still hurt.”

“You’re not a monster, Sara.”

“I used to be,” Sara says, and before she can even do anything about it, tears are falling, tears she’s been resolutely holding in. Ava is the only person she would let them fall in front of. “I used to be a monster.”

At that, Ava doesn’t say anything, just sets down the ice packs, pulls the ones in Sara’s hands away, setting them down as well. She pulls Sara’s hands between her own, rubbing them, warming them up.

When she lets go of them, she moves her hand back up to Sara’s face, sweeping hair out of her eyes, wiping at the tears. “You were never a monster.”

Sara shakes her head. “You didn’t know me then. I was… I was _terrible_. All I cared about was— was _killing_.” She spits it out, hating the words in her mouth.

“I read your file, Sara. Rip told me about you. You weren’t a monster. You were just… hurting. And that’s okay.”

Sara shakes her head again. “It’s not okay. It was never okay. I was a monster, and I’m still a monster. God.” She twists away from Ava, suddenly feeling even worse, because she’s inflicting herself on Ava, this woman who is too kind and caring for her own good. “God. What am I doing? I’m still a monster. Why do you _love_ me? I’m still a monster.”

“No, Sara—”

“I _am_ —”

“We’ve been through this, Sara. You’re not a monster. You’re just you.”

Sara moves further away from Ava, until Ava’s hands stop her, pulling her back close, arms strong around her. Sara keeps fighting it, keeps trying to pull away, and every time, Ava stops her, gripping down tighter with every attempt, until Sara finally gives up, curling up against Ava’s chest, sobs racking through her body, tears falling down onto Ava’s shirt.

“How did I trick you into loving me?” Sara whispers, because that’s what it feels like right now.

“You didn’t trick me. It just happened.” Ava presses a kiss to the top of Sara’s head. “You really want me to list all the reasons why I’m in love with you? Because I will.”

Through the tears, Sara smiles a weak smile.

“No, it’s okay—”

“You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, Sara. You’re smart and you’re funny, and you’re the best leader I know. You care so much more than you let anyone realise. You know everything about your team, and I know you’d sacrifice yourself for any of them in a heartbeat, no matter how much you pretend they annoy you. You pretend you don’t follow the rules but you have the strictest moral code of anyone I know. You’re also hot as hell.” Sara laughs, a watery sound. “And you love me. Which is all I really need.”

“I—”

Ava pulls her closer. “A monster doesn’t know how to love, Sara. You’re not a monster.”

Sara opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

“Do you love me?” Ava asks.

Sara tilts her head to look up at her, and there’s only one way she can answer that. “Yes. Obviously.”

“Then you’re not a monster.” Ava leans down, her fingers going to Sara’s cheek, and kisses her again, deep and slow and reassuring, until all Sara can think about is Ava’s mouth on hers. Eventually, Ava pulls back half an inch. “You’re not a monster, Sara. You’re my girlfriend, and I’m in love with you, so don’t tell me I shouldn’t be, okay?”

Her voice is firm, and Sara sighs. “Okay. Yeah, okay, baby.” She melts further into Ava’s arms. “I’m sorry,” she says, her voice small

Ava’s hand comes up to run through her hair, soothing. “It’s okay. I got you.” She pauses for a second, then asks, “What do you want to do the rest of tonight? You want to try to cook?”

“Can we just order takeout? Gideon can never quite get it right.”

“You’re just saying that so we can stay in bed, aren’t you?” Ava says, looking down at Sara fondly.

“Is it working?” Sara asks.

Ava rolls her eyes, but nods. “Yeah, it’s working. We can stay up here.” She picks her phone up from the bedside table, already dialling the number. Sara settles in closer, relaxing even more as Ava’s arm tightens around her, keeping her safe.

It’s terrifyingly domestic, ordering takeout with her girlfriend. Sara’s tears still staining the front of Ava’s shirt, evidence of Sara letting down her walls in a way she never had before, but, somehow, Sara’s just about okay with it.

**Author's Note:**

> LOOK I JUST DON'T THINK SARA SHOULD BE IMMEDIATELY OKAY AFTER BEING BLASTED BY THAT DOOR, OKAY? and like i know that this is dramatic as hell but also sara's a dramatic hoe with trauma okay
> 
> anyway, once again, unedited.
> 
> hope you enjoyed it (or that it made you Feel Something, at least)


End file.
